The Following is a true story...

...Only the names have been changed to protect the helpful. Which means Steven's name actually is Steven.

STEVEN, ROGERS WIRELESS ACCOUNTS RECEIVABLE SERVICE (sic) REPRESENTATIVE: Welcome to Rogers Wireless Accounts Receivable, my name is Steven. What can I do for you today?

ANDREW, NOT CHAY TANG, NO MATTER WHAT ROGERS WIRELESS SAYS: Hi, I'm calling about this bill I've been getting every month for, oh, I don't know, three or so years.

S: OK, could I get your Rogers Wireless phone number starting with area code, please?

A: No.

S: I'm sorry?

A: I don't have a Rogers Wireless phone number. That's why I'm calling.

S: You said you're getting a bill.

A: Yes. Well, I keep getting Chay Tang's bill sent to this address. I called about it last year and they told me it'd stop coming after about six months, but here we are, a year later, and I'm still getting them.

S: But you don't have an account.

A: No.

S: Well then I'd advise you return the mail to sender.

A: I've done that. And sent it back with "No one of that name here" written on the envelope, too. Doesn't work.

S: Well, as this isn't your account, that's all I can do for you.

A: You can't make a note to not waste a bunch of paper every month sending a bill to someone who doesn't have an account with you unless the person with the account--who isn't receiving their bill--tells you not to send the bill?

S: Correct.

A: That's kind of silly, isn't it?

S: That's the way it's done.

A: But the guy obviously doesn't know his bill's going to the wrong place, because he's not getting it. I am.

S: You should mark it return to sender.

A: Yeah, I've done that.

S: That's all I advise, all I can do unless you're the account holder.

A: I've been getting the account holder's bill for three years. Is that enough?

S: I'm afraid not.

A: OK, so let me get this absolutely straight: the person who lives at the place the bill is being sent, who isn't the person whose bill it is, is telling you the person whose bill it is isn't at this address, but you aren't going to do anything about it unless the person whose bill it is--who isn't here and, as far as I can tell, never has been, certainly not for the last ten years--tells you he's not here.

S: Correct.

A: Oh, I see. That's not stupid at all.

S: Canada Post mails the bills out. You should send it back to them.

A: I don't think Canada Post does send the bill out. I see Rogers' logo all over this envelope, and shining a high-power light through the envelope I got this phone number, which sort of implies that it's not Canada Post sending them out, it's you sending them out.

S: Canada Post is the only one who can change an address.

A: I don't think that's true.

S: It is true and accurate information.

A: Canada Post didn't generate this bill. They just delivered it.

S: That's right.

A: But you, Rogers, sent it out.

S: If you don't want to receive the mail, just write return to sender on the envelope.

A: I've done that and I keep receiving the mail.

S: Please don't yell, sir. I'm just trying to have a conversation here.

A: I wasn't yelling--

S: You raised your voice--

A: OK, now I'm talking in a very calm, cool manner. All right?

S: Thank you sir. Now, I've done all I can for you on this matter--

A: You haven't done anything--

S: That's all I can do.

A: Can I speak to your supervisor, please?

S: Do you wish to talk to him about this?

A: Yes I do.

S: I'm afraid I can't put you through to a supervisor for this.

A: You won't put me through to your supervisor?

S: Not because of this.

A: What's your name again?

S: Steven.

A: Last name?

S: I can't give that information out, sir. Security concerns.

A: Any other way to identify you? Your branch number, employee number?

S: I can't give you any more information.

A: Why start now? OK, Steven, I'd like to talk to your supervisor.

S: I can't put you through to my supervisor unless you give me a reason.

A: Someone asking to speak to your supervisor isn't a good enough reason to let them speak to your supervisor?

S: No.

A: So you aren't going to do anything and you're going to prevent me from talking to anyone else who may be able to do anything.

S: There's nothing I can do unless you're an account holder.

A: OK, you got me. I'm the account holder.

S: You've said you aren't the account holder.

A: Kidding! What, you can't take a joke! I'm Shee Tang--Chai Tang...However you pronounce it, that's who I am, that's me. Mr. Tang. Mrs.? Miss? Yeah, I'm them.

S: You aren't, sir.

A: What's my name?

S: Sir?

A: If I'm not Chay Tang, what's my name?

S: I don't know, sir.

A: I'm telling you I'm Chay Tang. How do you know I'm not Chay Tang? I've been getting his bills for three years, someone over there thinks he lives here.

S: You said you aren't the account holder, sir. I've done all I can do for you.

A: But if I call back and claim I'm the account holder to someone else, they'll help me?

S: You're welcome to call again and see if you can get a different answer from another service representative.

A: So your advice is to call one of your colleagues and commit fraud. You're telling me that's the only way Rogers Wireless is going to stop wasting paper every month sending me a bill that isn't mine.

S: I'm not advising you to do that.

A: You just did!

S: You have every right to call and see if you get a different answer from someone else. You can do that, but the answer will be the same. There's nothing we can do here for you. Is there anything else I can help you with today?

A: You can put me through to your supervisor.

S: I can't do that.

A: You've already said you could if you had a reason to. So you could, you, Steven, are actively choosing not to.

S: I'm going to end this conversation now, sir. Have a nice day and thank you for choosing Rogers Wireless.

A: I didn't choose Rogers Wireless, you--

CLICK.

***

FIVE MINUTES LATER:

JEFF, ROGERS WIRELESS ACCOUNTS RECEIVABLE SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE: Welcome to Rogers Wireless Accounts Receivable, my name is Jeff. What can I do for you today?

A: Hi, I've been getting someone else's bill sent to me for three years now and I've tried returning to sender and writing "Nobody of that name here" on the envelope and I even called a year ago and they said it'd stop eventually, but it hasn't and I'd like it to, please.

J: Did you open the envelope?

A: I did not. On this occasion, I did use a high-powered light to read its contents, though, because this is getting silly.

J: So you have an account number?

A: I do. It's (Chay Tang's account number).

J: And what's the address it's going to?

A: (Andrew and Tiina's address, mostly), and that's here, except the postal code is off.

J: (quiet snort) It's a miracle it got there at all...OK, I'm looking at the account. This is strange, it's been paid.

A: Well, for all I know it's getting paid automatically or every month or something and the guy checks his bill digitally or something. So maybe I'm getting a new, different bill every month. I don't know. But I do keep getting a bill for someone else.

J: What I'll do is put a "hold bill" on this and make a note saying you called and said it's the wrong address. That should stop the bill from showing up there and maybe we can get in contact with the client to get the right address.

A: With the account number you could probably phone them...

J: Yes, we should be able to do something. You should know that there's no liability on your part for any bill received in error, if that was a worry.

A: It wasn't. It's just--four or five pieces of paper and an envelope a month for years, you know? It's wasteful.

J: I understand. I'm a conservationist myself. OK, I've put the hold bill on it and written the note. Is there anything else I can do for you today?

A: One other thing. I'd like to make a complaint about a colleague of yours, Steven. I called you guys earlier, and he swore up and down that there was absolutely nothing he could do about this.

J: Well...technically, I'm not supposed to do anything if you aren't the account holder. But you gave the account number and the address, so I fudged things a little.

A: So if I complain about Steven and they notice you were actually helpful, you could get in trouble. I get it. OK, then. Well, Jeff, thank you for the effort, I really do appreciate it.

J: Have a good day, sir. Thanks for choosing Rogers Wireless.

CLICK.

A: Yeah, like that's EVER going to happen now...

A