Sunday, May 25, 2008

I Was Tempted To Call This Post "Ours Was Better", but I Took the High Road (Almost.)

So one of Tiina's closest friends, Tina, got married yesterday. And I was there.

Being an antisocial person (a claim that this post will go some way towards validating, I suspect), I haven't attended many of the Big Events in other peoples' lives. I think I've been to five weddings, including my own, and around that many funerals (though not the funeral of the person who died at the first wedding I went to) (it's funny coz it's true!).

So I'm not really sure what's standard for a wedding in reality (as opposed to on television). With that in mind, some observations:

-There are hundreds of thousands, if not millions of songs, that aren't "Guitars and Cadillacs", and all of them, EVERY SINGLE ONE, is better. There is no earthly reason for anyone to play that song once, much less THREE times in the course of an evening.

-While I now have a soft spot for Billy Idol, I also question the wisdom of playing "White Wedding" twice at a wedding afterparty (or whatever the meal and dance afterwards is called) where there are no shotguns in evidence.

-With all due respect to an individual's right to religious freedom, I have a number of personal saviours (hi Mum and Dad) and none of them have the initials "JC". And I deeply resent someone getting up in front of a crowd and telling me (and everyone else in the tent) otherwise. More deeply than I thought I would, actually. When I'm in a good mood, I have a policy of believing in everything (except werewolves, because that'd just be stupid) because the world's a more interesting place if there are extraterrestrials, ghosts, inner-earth colonies, fairies, vampires, ESP, and any other thing that anyone taking a purely empirical view of reality would think was silly in it. When I'm in a bad mood, I want to stand up at a wedding reception and tell the old guy at the microphone not to thank his god on my behalf, and propriety can be damned as much as I will be.

-Which isn't to say I was in a bad mood. At weddings, I often find myself assuming the role of the jester, trying to keep everything grounded by poking fun at the absurdity of making a big deal out of something that, by rights, should change nothing (but somehow changes everything.) This time around, I told the bride-to-be that if she wanted to abort the ceremony at any time, all she had to do was say the words "banana hammock" and I'd get her out of there.

-She didn't take me up on my offer. Oh well, she had her chance.

-In discussing my wedding with someone after the ceremony, it occurred to me that our bleeding wedding cake gag would've had much more impact if we'd had what appeared up till that point to be a completely traditional wedding. The ceremony wouldn't have been nearly as entertaining, but it'd almost have been worth it just for that one moment of stunned horror.

-"Guitars and Cadillacs". Worst song EVER.

-I was going to tell you the other things I promised to do for the bride, but it occurs to me that there's an outside chance her new in-laws might catch wind of this blog (as unlikely as that is). So I won't.

-The maid of honour wore a suit and the best man wore a dress. Which would've had more impact if the maid of honour was a woman and the best man were male. Even so, got to give props for breaking with tradition.

-Same goes for the catered hot dog dinner. And the female priest, which I'm led to believe isn't that odd these days, but is still a first in my experience. She was such a girl, too--she just went nuts over how good the rings looked, and she did it in the middle of the ceremony.

-That personal saviour thing REALLY bugged me. To the point that some personal examination may be required.

-Tiina knew it bugged me. She actually put her hand over my mouth while the guy was talking. Which I suspect drew more attention than me quietly seething to myself would have, but I guess she didn't know whether I was going to seethe quietly or loudly (it would've been quietly) (probably.)

All that stuff is of course secondary to the primary concern, which is that Tina has a happy and fulfilled life. She certainly seemed happy yesterday (I don't know if I've ever seen anyone cry because they were happy before. I always thought it was the kind of thing that only happened on TV, like the bride shouting out "banana hammock" and a burly guy bursting through the crowd and dragging her out of the ceremony.)

I hope it lasts. She deserves happiness. Everyone I like deserves happiness.



Too many people whose work I admire have been dying lately.

The Edmonton Public Library doesn't have even a single copy of ANOTHER FINE MYTH on the shelves. Which is just wrong.



"If I ever mention the possibility of blogging about the art and craft of lettering ever again, please do me a favour: catch a flight to Edmonton and put a bullet in my brain. I'll make a special dispensation in my will to ensure that your flight and legal expenses are reimbursed after I'm confirmed dead." - Me, talking to a colleague about a particularly difficult editing blog post I wrote last week. Strictly something for the Comic Process Junkies, but the post is here, if you're interested.


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