Sunday, October 26, 2008

If I were running John McCain's campaign...

...I'd seriously be trying to find someone to assassinate Sarah Palin on or shortly after Friday.

It's be the ultimate gamechanger--letting McCain appear unflappable in a moment of crisis, pick a vice presidential nominee who doesn't come off like an incompetent hick, garner a potentially massive sympathy vote, and if you want to see the base mobilize, well...yeah. Hire someone of Arab descent, a muslim, or a former member of the Weather Underground, ideally, but really, anyone who'd keep their mouths shut until after November 4 who isn't normally associated with the Republicans would do.

After McCain won the election, it really wouldn't matter if the truth came out. I mean, he'd just have had someone killed--it's not like having sex with an intern or something serious. Cheney personally shot someone in the face and got away with it, and Bush's practically made a habit out of pushing an entire country in front of oncoming trains. Getting rid of a shrill "the Endtimes are upon us" nutjob who can't stick to the script she's given is small potatoes.

And you've got to know there'd be lots of support (secret, maybe, but still there) from lifelong pols of both parties, who'd see the political wisdom in killing Palin. They'd understand why he couldn't simply admit to making a mistake (about anything, other than lying to a late night talkshow host, of course) and kick her off the ticket.

It'd be a total hail mary play, but that's what's defined pretty much the entirety of McCain's campaign against Obama, and if, well, pretty much everyone who isn't on the McCain campaign's payroll (and at least one person who is) is right, this is about the only shot he's got of winning this thing. Well, that and defective electronic voting equipment that always manages to default to the Republicans. Even catching bin-Laden wouldn't win him this thing, if he didn't go to Pakistan and personally hunt the guy down. At this point, all that'd get the republicans is a "What the hell took you so long?"

I've read a couple blog posts today by people who seem worried Obama's going to be the target of an assassination attempt sooner or later. And while I'd say that is unfortunately a very real possibility (and I only hope that, like the Oklahoma City bombing, any action of that sort comes from a domestic group rather than someone who can be bombed into their component molecules, probably along with every other living thing in a 20 mile radius, regardless of said things' involvement), if I was Sarah Palin standing on a platform with John McCain behind me right now, I'd be watching my back very closely.



In the same way it was inevitable Larry Flynt would finance a porn video starring a Sarah Palin stand-in*, it is a cosmic certainty that someday, someone will make a television show based the heroic adventures of Todd Palin. It will be like the original Knight Rider television show, only instead of KITT he'll have a sentient snow machine and the enemies will be East Coast bureaucrats who're trying to infringe on Alaska's sovereignty by cutting government spending there. It will be called White Rider.

White because that's the colour of snow.



World Fantasy Con in three days.



At some point, there's just got to be a limit to how much one can demolish in a single bathroom.

After three solid days, Tiina and her father have yet to reach that limit. Which makes me think our downstairs bathroom has qualities reminiscent of the TARDIS.


No comments: