Tuesday, September 23, 2008


-First of all, someone owes Chris Claremont a HUGE royalty cheque. In almost every list of speculative fiction story submission guidelines I’ve read, there’s a point where the editors (or whoever wrote that particular list) says if you want to write this stuff, you should really read new material in the genre, because whatever’s filtered into popular culture, films or TV or whatever, is inevitably going to be ten years behind the literature. By my reckoning, HEROES is about 20 years behind modern superhero comics, storywise.

-And the same someone owes whoever wrote Cronenberg’s version of THE FLY a smaller cheque than the one owed Claremont.

-Ali Larter’s new character isn’t a psychotic killer or a pornographic webcam girl, but rather a high-powered political advisor. Who sleeps with her older boss and wanders around their hotel suite in lingerie. When did Frank Miller join the Heroes writing staff?

-Can we please declare a moratorium on use of the term “the butterfly effect”? Or at least take it as given that anyone watching anything that involves the butterfly effect will have enough pop cultural and/or scientific knowledge to grasp what the butterfly effect is without having to endure the tedium of a character explain what it is? Please?

-Best line of the first two hours: “I asked you not to open the safe!” No place to go from there but down. Someone should give George Takei his own show, on the condition that he be obviously pissed off for the entire thing. I’d watch that.

-Claire can’t feel anything! Oh, the non-humanity!

-Wait, Mama Petrelli is Sylar’s mother, too? Is there anyone on the show who hasn’t sprung from her loins? Maybe that’s her power, superhuman fertility.

-OK, now that I think about it, even with Sylar that’s still only three characters she gave birth to. I have it in my head there’s at least one more that’s been revealed, but can’t remember who it is, if it’s anyone at all. Even so: she gave birth to Peter and Sylar, which is one incredibly superpowered son too many for me to suspend my disbelief.

-Mind you, most of the dialogue is too much for me to suspend my disbelief.

-The guy who owes Claremont and the Fly writer? Also ought to send a cheque to M. Night Shyamalan, for using the Sixth Sense’s twist to get Malcolm McDowell back on the show.

-“Well, we don’t like her because she’s incompetent and her powers are uncontrollable, but she did manage to take down Sylar. I know, let’s fire her and let her walk out of this place where we imprison people with uncontrollable powers. Yeah! That’s a good idea.”

-Hiro’s nemesis can apparently run faster than time. When did Grant Morrison join the Heroes writing staff?

-In the future, everyone will be emo.

-I would’ve liked these episodes a lot better if it actually was the turtle talking to Parkman.


G-man said...

I agree on every point!

I think I'm conforming. Shoot!!!!

Scott said...

You mean they actually named a character "Hiro"?

So glad I never watched that show...